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| Author | A Cold Tale of Hestia |
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She was a strange personality for everyone. She rarely talked to anyone unless it was necessary. She paid no attention in her classes and still topped her school everytime with 100% Marks. She was very beautiful and yet mysterious.
One day when she was returning home from school she saw some boys trying to force a little boy into giving all the money he had collected. She went near them and they were all attracted by her charming personality. As she started shouting on them, they felt insulted and they said to the girl that it was good if she didn't interfere in their personal matter. The girl replied that you can't hurt an innocent even if its your personal matter. One of the boy was very short tempered and tried to slap the girl out of their way. As soon as he touched her, he felt a heavy fire wave and was thrown away from her. The other boys were very scared and ran away from them.
The girl moved towards the boy and noticed that in place of the boy there appeared a small bright orange stone. There was an old inscription on the stone that read, "If you hold this you have the power to save the world". The stone then went up in the air and entered into the girl's chest and disappeared. After the stone got into her body, she finds herself outside a big tall pillar. Below the pillar, in the corner is written "The Pillar of Fiery Souls". From behind the pillar appears the same little boy that she saved who then comes to his real form and introduces himself as the God of Fire, Hephaestus.
The God of Fire then tells the girl that she is having a part of the god himself inside her and that is the reason for her extra capabilites and mysterious powers. He tells her that she is made to fight the greater evil and destroy it forever. When Hephaestus finds the girl scared, he encourages her by telling her that she is yet to attain her full capabilites and once she finds a way to unlock it, she will know what to do. The God of Fire leaves by giving his blessing to the girl.
The girl finds herself in the middle of the road through which she goes home from school everyday. After reaching home she is very nervous and decides make herself some juice. She goes to get some ice from the refrigerator but as soon as she touches the ice it starts melting. She tries to have some cold water but it turns hot as well. She then realizes that she can't control her powers yet. Frustuated at last she goes to her room where she looks at an old picture of her elder brother who went missing in a big fire in her family's farmhouse. Her brother studied old mythology very attentively and wanted to solve the mysteries of past. When his body was not found and he was assumed dead in the fire.
She closes her eyes and tries to concentrate. She then focuses her powers on a piece of paper kept in front of her and she finds that a little flame comes out of her index finger. She slowly points it towards the piece of paper and the flame starts to move towards the paper causing it to burn. That is how she began exploring her powers. Everyday she learned something new and helpful. She was really enjoying all of it until one day when she returned home she found that her mother was not there. She was very worried and tried to contact all of her mother's friend and relatives but there was no sign of her mother. | She found a note stuck on the kitchen wall saying " If you want your mother back come visit the cave behind the city forest before midnight". She immediately goes out and tried to find a cab as the city forest was quite distant from her home. But unfortunately there were no transport available at that time, so she just started running and realized that she can't make it like this. She was very anxious and then just decided to close her and eyes and find a solution. She then slowly started descending into the air as fire flew out of her hands and legs. She managed to fly by finding a proper balance between her body and her powers.
She dashed through the forest and reached the cave but the door was shut by a heavy rock. She immediately used her powers to destroy the big rock. But she was shocked to find out that there was an icy path behind the cave when the temperature of the place was very high. She entered the cave carefully and found a long straight path inside the cave, to the end of which was a big chair in which sat a man whose evil intentions were easily seen on his face. His name was Boreas, the God of Cold. She was very angry to see er mother frozen in an ice cube. Her hands started to emit heavy fire waves and she was ready to fight Boreas, the God of Cold to save the life of her mother.
Boreas on the other hand just calmly asks the girl to join her side and help her in defeating Hephaestus so that he can rule the world and would spare her mother's life. She takes a moment to think and denies Hephaestus's request. The God of Cold is disappointed by her answer and throw an heavy ice spike at her which she manages to dodge by her fire. And then a fierce battle begins between both of them. The girl manages to God of Cold for a while but then he freezes her legs and she cant move. She then uses her full power to give a final blow to Boreas but it deflects and hits his throne. when the throne breaks she is shocked to see her long lost brother frozen in the ice. She could not control her emotions and is very angry on Boreas who has planned this from years to make her a part of his plan to take control over the world.
She orange stone come out of her chest and takes place on the middle of her forehead. Her eyes glowing with fire and she takes the legendary form of the Phoneix, the form which is enough to kill anyone in the blink of an eye. The love for her brother made her so strong that Boreas was scared. She threw a big fireball at Boreas which instantly made him break into small fragments of ice and thus the evil God of Cold was destroyed. But the orange stone was still on her head and she was still very angry for all the evil that existed in the world. She wanted to destory everything and everyone. Her anger grew out of control and then Hephaesteus appeared in front of her and tried to make her understand to make the same mistake as he once did that made him lose his own family. Hephaesteus made her see the faces of her mother and her long lost brother who just broke out of ice as soon as Boreas died. She slowly came back to her normal form and fainted. The stone went back inside her chest.
She woke up at her home. She opens her eyes and finds her brother right in front of her. Her eyes are filled with tears and both of them hug each other. Her mother enters the room and is happy to have both of her children back together. And this is how the story of Hestia, the Godess of Fire goes by :)
NOTE - Few names were taken from Greek Mythology and have no connection to the actual mythological stories. | | Topic moved from "Off-game forum" to "Creative works". | All of the names were taken from Greek mythology. There are so many things incorrect just with your writing. Honestly start from scratch. Your beginning isn't even close to capturing anyone attention. Name your character early in the story. You use he/she way to often. This story honestly just pisses my off
Player banned by moderator Meshy until 2018-08-10 22:46:21 // FR 1.7. Additional characters are not allowed to leave messages at the "Main forums" and "Trade and services" sections of the foru | All of the names were taken from Greek mythology.
Interesting, now that you remind me, I have a bone to pick with Alfred Tennyson for writing Tithonus. He was so unoriginal that he didn't even bother retelling the story. And now that I think of it, Superman is influenced by Zeus, Batman by Hades, Aquaman by Poseidon, etc.. DC is clearly a thief. Oh, and the Council Elite of Marvel, they actually had Vishnu. Not the name alone, powers as well. And of course, Bible can be said to have plagiarised the Egyptian myth of Horus.
This story honestly just pisses my off
You are welcome not to read. But, do not discourage someone from wanting to be creative for the pleasure of others. Stay pissed off, or go watch cartoons and calm your mind; but you getting pissed off has nothing to do with his writing.
Your beginning isn't even close to capturing anyone attention. Name your character early in the story. You use he/she way to often.
Constructive criticism. Acceptable and welcome, even though possibly incorrect, but that is not the point. Strip your comments to include just these bits and you will be fine. | for shubhamgoyal:
Why are you talking as if these reviews are addressing you?
Let Kuala defend himself if he wants. Sometimes feedback like above is preferable to being flattered to make average to subpar attempts. Because it is likely that the same guy will motivate OP when the quality increases. Of course, i don't think the guy has any reason to say he's pissed off, but it just shows that different people will react differently to a story - some might even enjoy the amateurish works, either way i am sure the OP intends to find out by posting here. | Why are you talking as if these reviews are addressing you?
Let Kuala defend himself if he wants.
I am not defending kulala. I do not care about kulala. But, what is right is right.
Of course, i don't think the guy has any reason to say he's pissed off | | Try and keep it on topic guys, no need to turn a thread about someone trying to be creative into squabbling. | I would like to say that I am not really pissed off but the writing style is poor. I was annoyed when he said he took some of the names from Greek mythology when literally every name is from it. There are 2 east ways to fix this. Either use different random made up names/common names or what I think he should do since he used the names would be to embrace that the names are based off of Greek myths and base the characters around their Greek personas. Also needs to start much cleaner and identify the characters earlier in the story by name and not by he/she.
I think he should want to know how someone who reads the story feels otherwise he wouldn't have posted the story here.
And the first paragraph could be pretty good if it was written better and then the paragraph ended with "and her name is Hestia" kinda like the list interesting man in the world kind of thing | I really appreciated the views and I want to improve if I can :)
But please don't be a little too harsh :) |
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