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| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
How do you organise a party in space ?
- You planet | | The owner of a chicken farm has problems with their chicken. The production rate of the eggs is constantly dropping and he doesn't know what's wrong, so he posts an advertisement on the newspaper offering a nice reward for the one who solves it for him. After a month a physicist reaches the owner of the farm and says "I have a solution for your chicken to fix them, but there are some restrictions". The owner asks "What restrictions ?" and the physicist answers "Well, the solution is valid only for spherical chicken in space". | | More more !!! | | Tom goes to a newly-built hospital to get himself examined. The hospital has the best technological equipment available, since it's built recently and everyone is amazed from its services. Tom finds the doctor he wanted and he asks him what he needs to do to get himself examined. The doctor asks Tom to give him some urine sample and that's all. The doctor puts the urine sample in a high-tech medical tool and immediately he gets the results printed on his screen "Τriglycerides low, cholesterol ok, hydration ok, etc" and gives the results to his patient Tom. Tom is very surprised by the fast examination, but he is now suspicious of such a good machine that he doesn't trust it. So, next day he disguises himself and goes to the same hospital to receive the same examination, but this time, he makes sure to put some sperm in the urine sample as well. The results come up immediately on the screen "Τriglycerides low, cholesterol ok, hydration ok, fertility high". Tom is amazed by the results, but he is still not satisfied so he decides to make one final attempt tomorrow. Indeed he makes yet another disguise and goes to the hospital for a new examination on the same machine. This time he puts a hamster's heart in the urine, some sperm, a screw and puts a wicked smile on his face waiting for the examination results. The results come up as fast as always on the screen "Τriglycerides low, cholesterol ok, hydration ok, fertility high and eventhough the brain wheel won't malfunction just because of a missing screw, the hamster is already dead". | | Τriglycerides = Triglycerides | | :-) | | A villager was returning home with his tractor after a tiring day in the fields. At his way home he got dizzy from the burning sun and got himself at the edge of a stream and got stuck. Another villager passing by with his donkey saw the farmer and asked him what's wrong. The farmer explained the situation and the donkey-man said "Don't worry mate, I'll get your tractor out with my donkey". The farmer was surprised and nervous at the same time, he said "How the hell will your donkey be of any use against my tractor ? You want your poor donkey to get killed ?", to what the donkey-man answered "Leave it to him and you'll see, he is a great fellow". Having said that, they do some preparations, tie the donkey to the tractor and they're ready to let him pull the tractor out, and so the donkey-owner shouts "LET'S GO BOB !!", nothing happens and after 3 seconds he shouts again "COME ON NOW SAMMY !!", nothing happens and after 3 seconds he shouts again "PULL LIKE YOU MEAN IT JACK MY BOY !!" and the donkey charges recklessly towards his direction and pulls the tractor out breathing furiously the air through his nares. The farmer is speechless and very soon admits he's never seen such a strong donkey in his whole life, but he doesn't understand why the donkey has 3 names. "Well," explains the donkey-owner, "my blind Jack is surely a donkey-beast, but unfortunately he never had much trust in himself alone". | | On his way* | | A woman from the capital city visits a small village for vacation. There she finds a farmer and with this and with that they have sex together. The woman is so satisfied that tells the farmer to leave everything behind and return with her in the city, "you'll never need to work again, you'll have all the luxuries you want because we don't need money, just come with me and let me enjoy you forever !", but the farmer explains he can't accept her nice offer, he can't just leave everything behind, so he suggests "Why don't you take my brother with you instead ?". The woman is not sure about it, so she asks "Is he such a good lover as you ?" and the farmer answers "Sure he is ! It's been a month since he slept with a grizly and it still brings him honey every morning !". | | grizzly | | lol 949!!!! | | A cocky villager buys a prosche and asks his friend from the same village to take him for a ride. His friend accepts immediately and they ride off to the town. In the town the cocky driver sees an old lady in front of them, he acts calm and speeds up more and more when he finally hits the old woman and keeps driving. His friend is shocked and shouts "WHAT THE HELL DUDE ? That woman is probably already dead", but the cocky driver asks madly "Do you know anything about Porsche ?", his friend says "No" and the cocky driver says "Then keep silent and don't complain". Down a few squares they spot a bicycler cycling in front of them, the cocky driver acts calm again and speeds up like hell, hits the bicycler and keeps running as if nothing happened. His friend freaks out again and shouts "ARE YOU INSANE MAN ? I bet that bicycler has become one with his bike !!", but the cocky driver says again "Do you know anything about Porsche ?" and his friend says "No", so the cocky villager says "Then shut up and don't complain". After yet another civilian crash with the car his friend now starts crying "Wow man, I don't wanna do this anymore, please let me get off", but the cocky driver asks "Do you have any idea about Porsche ?" and this time his friend asks "Yes I have damn it", then the cocky driver makes a face as if he wants to say a million things in one second to his friend and finally shouts angrily "THEN WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE THE BREAK IS ?". | | Lol | | Two friends get imprisoned in the same prison. After 6 months the one of the friends, Jim, goes to his other friend, Jack, and confesses his thoughts : "Jack, it's been 6 months in here and it's gonna be a hell lot more, I can't hold out anymore without my woman, you have be my woman just for one time". Jack is obviously annoyed and says "But Jim, if we do that we'll become gay", but Jim immediately comes up with an excuse "Oh come on, just once won't make anyone gay" and so it's settled. After 3 months, same thing happens, Jack complains again "But dude, you said one time is fine, if we do it two times won't we become gay ?" and Jim assures him "No worries man, even with two times, you don't become gay". Another 9 months pass quietly, Jim didn't ask any of his "weird" favours. This time, Jack goes to Jim and asks with a big questioning in his voice "Hey Jim, does anyone become gay with three times ?". | | haha ! | Here follows the method that mathematicians do to wash a stack of dishes :
1. "Take the top dish from the stack."
2. "Water it, sampoo it and start rubbing."
3. "Once the dish is clean, put it aside on a clean place and let it get dry."
4. "Similarly the rest of them." | while (!stack.isEmpty())
{
Dish crt_dish = stack.pop();
crt_dish.water();
crt_dish.shampoo();
crt_dish.put_aside();
} | Yeah but the trick with the mathematician is he doesn't run all the loop, he says "similarly the rest" and he is done with them :D
Two fat women are talking to eachother. One of them asks "How to you measure your weight ?" and the other answers "I step on the scale, then shrink my belly as much as I can and then I look how much I weight". Then she asks again "Oh, shrinking your belly works on the scale ?", to what the other woman explains "Don't be stupid, I shrink my belly so I can see the number on the scale below". | | How to = How do | A Mercenary arrives in the guild. The questmaster greets him and expresses his gratitude, finally he adds :
"You receive 85 gold, Toadstool"
The Unwise1 hears the conversation and asks impressed : "What?!?, why they call you a toadstool? not very nice" |
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