Forums-->Creative works-->
1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|>|>>
| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
Albert Einstein (genius) VS Mr Bean (idiot)
Albert: I'm so genius, ask me anything and I'll answer it correctly!
Bean: I don't believe it...
Albert: How about a challenge?
Bean: Huh?
Albert: I'll ask you 1 question and you can ask me as well.
Bean: Why's that?
Albert: If you can't answer my question, you have to pay me $5.
Bean: How about if you can't answer the question?
Albert: I'll pay you $500.
Bean: Okay, it's a deal!
Albert: I'll ask first, 1*2*3*4*5*6*7*8*9*10 equals?
Bean: (calmly Bean gave Albert $5) I don't know. What's the answer?
Albert: It's 3.628.800!
Bean: Amazing, now it's my turn.
Albert: Ask anything.
Bean: What is it which climbs up the mountain with 3 legs but walk down the mountain with 4 legs?
Albert: ..........................................
Bean: Well?
Albert: (angrily Albert gave Bean $500) I can't believe it! I can't answer this question!
Bean: Looks like you're not genius at all...
Albert: By the way, what's the answer?
Bean: (Bean gave Albert $5 and ran as fast as he could) | Some math jokes here:
https://www.lordswm.com/photo_pl_photos.php?aid=7818 | https://www.lordswm.com/photo_pl_photos.php?aid=7818
Nice ones!! ;) | | rofl, Nice ones!! ;) | | Changed the last 3. Why didn't anyone tell me they were the same? | a ship from an island was sailing in the middle of the ocean.
the ocean was foggy, and the fog was very thick,
so the people in the ship couldn't see faraway and where they were exactly.
after sailing for hours, the ship radar detected something.
it detected that there's a foreign man in front of them.
the captain also saw the radar, he predicted the man as a ship,
because a man in the middle of the ocean must be on the ship.
the fog was very thick, and the captain didn't know what's in front of him.
the captain was afraid that both of the ship would collide,
so the captain went to the deck and shouted:
"hey you there! get outta my way! i'm heading there!"
the man replied: "no way! you're the one who must step aside!"
they both arguing for a long time, and finnaly the captain replied:
"give me a reason why it has to be me to step aside!"
"i'm in the lighthouse!! how am i suppose to step aside?!" | Another one:
A mother-in-law decides to find out how much her son-in-laws love her.
She takes her 1st son-in-law to a walk in the river. She JUMPS into the river and pretends she fell off. The 1st son-in-law jumps in and saves her.
The next day he finds a brand new bike in front of his house with a thank you note from the mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law does the same thing with her 2nd son-in-law. He too saves her and gets a new bike with thank you note.
When the mother-in-law does this with her 3rd son-in-law, the 3rd son-in-law lets her drown and she dies.
The next day, the 3rd son-in-law finds a brand new Ferrari car in front of his house with a thank you note from the FATHER-IN-LAW!!! | Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
_____________________________________________________________________________
Q:What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?
A:leap year!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?
A: He beach-slapped her
_____________________________________________________________________________
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did she go to the other side? To go to the bar.
Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet.
Why did she go to the toilet? Because that's where all the cocks hang out.
_____________________________________________________________________________
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea(No eye dear)
_____________________________________________________________________________
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want, he cant hear you.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat." | Why did the chicken cross the road?
That reminds me, a joke from this famous question:
A cow and a chicken has just escaped from a high security prison, ran 1000 miles and has now reached a road. This road is the only thing between them and freedom.
The chicken looks at the cow sadly and says "You go along now, this is where I have to stop."
Mystified, the cow asked "Why? We're so close to freedom!"
The chicken gazes sadly at the road and sighs "Because if I cross the road, people will start asking a lot of questions." | | Nice one ChooJeremy | | lol all jokes really make me laugh :) | Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
_____________________________________________________________________________
Q:What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?
A:leap year!
_____________________________________________________________________________
Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?
A: He beach-slapped her
_____________________________________________________________________________
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did she go to the other side? To go to the bar.
Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet.
Why did she go to the toilet? Because that's where all the cocks hang out.
_____________________________________________________________________________
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea(No eye dear)
_____________________________________________________________________________
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want, he cant hear you.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
poor jokes and to be frank doesnt make me laugh at all | | You make me laugh and the jokes too +1 ChooJeremy | Teacher was returning maths test to students
Teacher: 60% couldnt count percents...
Student: But, there arent so many of us! | | There was a 18 year old boy whom wants to make love with his girlfriend so at night,they went into the 18 years old boy's room and wanted to make love there. But they did not know that his little brother was sleeping under the doubledecker bed because he covered himself with a large blanket. The boy whispered to the girl," If you want me to go left say 'Tomato!', if you want me to go right, say 'Lettuce!. They took off their clothes and started making love. The girl shouted,"Tomato,Lettuce,Lettuce!". The boy's brother was woken up by the commotion and said, "Brother,can you stop making sandwitches up there? You are dripping mayoniese all over my face!" :D | *Teacher walks in a noisy classroom*
Teacher: Everyone sit down please, only the ones who are stupid remain standing
*All sit except John*
Teacher: Why aren't you sitting, John?
John: If I sit, you are the only one who is stupid | Nice, to meet you all. First time posting in the forum.
On a final test in December, a student who is very lazy and couldn't answer any question in the test then wrote on his answer sheet
"The test is too hard. Only God can answer this question. Happy new Year"
After the result is posted on January, The Student get his answer sheet back with a note from his teacher
"God get an A, and you get an E. Happy New Year."
---------------------------------------------------
Students from a certain school were invited to see an opera by their teacher who had high sense of music. The students were treated drinks, cake, peanuts, chips, and another snacks to make them happy.
After concerts.
Teacher: "Do you guys like to go to the opera?"
Students: "Yes, Teach!" "Except the music!"
---------------------------------------------------
Ron's Mother confused seeing Ron coming home, even though it's only 9'o clock
Mother: "Ron, why do you go home really early? what happened?"
Ron: "Today i can answer the teacher question correctly!"
M: "That's great!" "What's the question anyway?"
R: "The Teacher asked, Who threw a chalk to me?" | There was once 3 people......one was Shit,one was Shut Up, and one was Manners.
Manners was in the toilet, and Shit got lost.Their parents were looking for him....
The police asked Shut Up a few questions.
"What's your name?"asked the policeman.
"Shut Up!" he exclaimed proudly.
"Hey!!" scolded the policeman."Where are your manners, young man?"
"In the toilet!" he answered.
"Where are your parents?" the policeman asked him.
"Looking for Shit!" he said.
I can't help but laugh at this joke.I heard it from a friend. | Here's another form of the joke.
There were these three men, their names were Shit,Shut up , and Manners. One day they were riding in their car and Shit fell out so ,Manners went out to pick Shit up and Shut Up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name,son?"
He answered, "Shut up."
"Ummm...excuse me?!" said the police officer.
Shut Up said, "Shut up!"
The officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?"
So,Shut Up said, "Half a mile down the road picking up Shit!"
:) | Here's another joke. I'm sorry if i had said anything foul in the previous post.
*Teacher walks in the classroom to teach*
Teacher: Alright class, who can answer this question gets to go home one hour early.
(A student throws a spitball at the teacher)
Teacher: Who threw that?!?!?!?!?
Student: Me! Okay, bye teacher! |
1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|11|>|>>Back to topics list
|
