Forums-->Creative works-->
<<|<|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|35|>|>>
| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
| A man goes to the movies and sees a woman sitting in the next row down with a dog next to her. He figures it must be a seeing eye dog, but during the film he notices that the dog seems to be watching it. During the chase seens, the dog would sit up on the edge of his seat and stare intently at the screen. During the sad scenes, the dog is whimpering noticeably. During the suspense scenes, the dog is half hiding under the seat in front and peeking out with just one eye. Finally, at the happy ending the dog jumped up and down and wagged his tail. The man walked up to the woman after the show and told her "I simply can't believe how much your dog seemed to enjoy the movie." The woman answered, "Me too. He didn't like the book!" | A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He pulls out a velvet sack and takes a hamster out of the sack, placing it on the bar. The little hamster runs around a bit until the man produces a miniature piano and piano stool from the sack, and puts them on the bar. The hamster runs over, sits down on the stool, and to the absolute wonder of all the people at the bar, begins to play the piano like a master.
The little hamster has done four or five numbers and in launching into "The Entertainer" when the man reaches into the sack again and pulls out a bullfrog. He sits the bullfrog down on the bar next to the piano-playing hamster. Immediately the bullfrog, with the hamster accompanying him, sings a rendition of "Danny Boy" that brings tears to the eyes of all assembled. A hundred people are watching. It's the most amazing thing anyone has ever seen.
As "Danny Boy" ends, through the thunderous applause, a bystander leans over and says, "Excuse me, are these animals for sale?"
"Well," says the guy with the animals, "I'm really attached to the hamster. but I might sell the bullfrog."
"I'll give you five hundred dollars for the frog," says the other man.
"Sold!" says the animal guy, and he hands over the frog and takes his $500. Then he starts to pack up the hamster and the piano in his sack.
The bartender leans over and says, "Look, buddy, it's really none of my business, but just five hundred bucks for a singing frog? It's the most amazing thing in the history of the world and you didn't even get enough for a good suit. Are you crazy? You got totally ripped off!"
The guy says, "No, I didn't. The hamster's a ventriloquist." | for you-d0nt-say:
nice jokes! | 579 & 582
Awesome :D | | There was a man named Cletus that lived in a small town with only one traffic light. Cletus had saved up his money and bought a mo-ped. One day Cletus was at the light waiting for it to turn green when a shiny new Corvette convertible pulled up next to him. Cletus had never seen anything like this in his life. The Corvette had its top down so Cletus leans over the side of the car and starts checking out the interior. This annoys the driver of the vette so when the light turns green he steps on the gas, laying down rubber as he leaves the intersection. He gets up to 60mph when suddenly Cletus flies by him on his mo-ped. The driver of the vette says to himself "This clown wants to race". Shifting into 4th gear he steps on the gas again. He leaves Cletus in his dust as he gets up to 100mph. Then out of nowhere he sees Cletus coming up fast in his rear view mirror. He can't believe it as Cletus flies by him again on his mo-ped. The driver of the vette shifts into 6th gear and floors it. He passes Cletus and gets up to 150mph! Once again, Cletus passes him like he's standing still. Shocked, the driver of the vette pulls over to the side of the road. He hears gravel flying and brakes squalling as Cletus pulls up next to him. The driver of the vette congratulates Cletus on winning the race and asks him what kind of an engine he has in his mo-ped. Puzzled Cletus replied "Race? I was just trying to get my suspenders off of your side-view mirror." | There was an elderly man visiting a doctor for his check-up. As he was leaving he asked the doctor if he could recommend a specialist for his wife. "What's wrong with her?" asked the doctor. The old man explained that her hearing was getting so bad that it was almost embarrassing. The doctor said he knew of several specialists that could help but he wanted the old man to do a little test when he got home to help the doctor determine the severity of her hearing loss. The doctor said "When you get home, make sure your wife's back is turned to you and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond walk closer and ask her again. Keep doing this until she answers and let me know the results".
That night when the old man opened the door of his home he could see his wife in the kitchen preparing dinner. She was at the counter with her back to the door. "What's for dinner?" the old man asked. His wife did not respond so he walks to the doorway of the kitchen and asked the question again. Still, he was greeted with silence. This time he walks up just behind her and asks once again "What's for dinner?" His wife spins around a bit agitated and says "For the third time, Fried Chicken!!" | Who is the roundest knight at king Arthur's table?
Sir Cumfrence | Spongebob: patrick can you hear me??
Patrick : no it's too dark!! | | lol :) | | Haha... I too like Jeremy's Jokes. (and the rest too) | | [Post deleted by moderator Queen_Amanda // Keep it clean if you know what I mean :P] | for knightwalkerII:
fail.... | | Lol..i thought so.. Can't really understand dat one by reading!! | | Get some more jokes guys...some LWM jokes maybe? | ok, you asked for it..
Mrs Smith went working that morning with red eyes. She was sobbing all the morning, until her friends came over and asked her what was wrong.
-'It's my husband', she answered sneezing.
-'Did anything happen to him?' Asked one of the other girls in half tone.
-No! But I went home yesterday, and he had done all the washing, and had bathed the kids and sent them off to bed, and had prepared dinner and cleaned all the house..' there Mrs Smith started crying openly.
-But my dear, he wasn't criticizing your way of doing those thing, pheraphs he just wanted to feel useful!
-No! Because I found a newspaper he was reading, and.. and it said that.. That partners that are doing a full time job like me, and keeping the house, are too tired to fully live their.. their..
-.. intimacy?, suggested her best friend.
-YES!, she sobbed out.
-But my dear, it's beautiful! he's taking care of everything so that you will be at your best when.. well you know! Why do you feel so bad about it?
-Because we hired a butler 3 months ago! | What is the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
I don’t know and I don’t care one way or the other.
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. “You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!” The recruit takes two steps to one side.
“What are you doing, man?” Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. “I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant,” answers the recruit calmly.
An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.
“What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.” | | Good ones. | | Keep the jokes coming! | | No jokes :( | A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him.
"Are you a bear?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The bear replied, "Well, I liked the book." |
<<|<|25|26|27|28|29|30|31|32|33|34|35|>|>>Back to topics list
|
