| Author | A Story written by me :D |
|---|
The story is written about a boy named Roland and his best friend Rebecca.
Roland woke up in the forest at a completely strange place. He could not remember anything about what happened to him. He could see a wound on his right leg and some scratches over his body as if he was dragged through the way. He managed to get up and put himself together and started walking towards a sound that seemed like a flowing river. It was difficult for him to walk because of the deep wound he had in his leg. It was getting late and as evening approached, the cold increased significantly as well. Then he found a cave in between and decided to stay there for the night.
As he entered the cave he decided to collect some wood branches to make a proper fire. Then he was trying to recall and put effort on his mind to remember what exactly happened with him. It was then, that he heard a very sweet but strange voice calling him from inside the cave. It was very dark inside the cave but just a little light shined at the far end of the cave. He was curious and he began to follow the right. When he reached the end of the cave there was a waterfall at the end of the cave gate. He could still hear the voice coming from behind the waterfall. He passed the water layer of the waterfall and found himself on his bed at his own home.
It was 7:30 in the morning and he could remember properly that he slept early in the night as he was very tired the last day. But he was wondering that everything that happened with him was just a dream when it seemed so real. He then spent his day as usual by attending his classes and returning home tired by all the assigments and extra activities. He went to his bed and was about to fell asleep but he was scared if he might get the same dream again.
This time he finds himself on the top of a waterfall and place resembling similiar to his last encounter. He can still feel the voice calling him and this time he decides to find out the mystery behind it. The voice is again coming from inside the cave and the similiar light can be observed at the end of the cave. But this time the voice is trying to say something to him. He is very determined to find out what is hidden behind the voice. After reaching the end of the cave he feels something in his pocket glowing, its the locket which he gave to his best friend a week before she died because of an accident where she slipped near a waterfall.
Roland takes out the locket out of his pocket is shocked because the locket must have been gone with her friend in the waterfall. The locket starts glowing brighter and the voice becomes clearer and says " Seek it and you shall find , Those who you trust hurt you the most ". He again goes through the layer of water finding himself awake on his bed in his home. He visits the waterfall where his best friend slipped and fell. When he went there he found the locket hanging at the edge of the waterfall. He carefully picked it up with the help of a long wooden branch.
There was some blood stains on the locket. He found it very strange since the locket cannot have blood marks before his friend fell from the cliff.
Roland took the locket to the forensics deparment it was tested and the blood found was confirmed to be of his friend. Another strange thing found on the locket was fingerprints of her boyfriend. He then remembered the line from his dream. "Those who you trust the most, hurt you the most". He was sure that it was her boyfriend that killed her. She told everyone that she was going to the waterfall alone to have some peaceful time but then what was her boyfriend doing there. On this basis he went to her boyfriend and made him confess everything and recorded all of it so that he can get justice for his best friend.
The girl's boyfriend was given life sentence for the crime he had commited, which was killing a girl just because she was not ready to marry. Roland again found himself in the place at that night and this ti |
| Roland again found himself in the place at that night and this time he could see Rebecca thanking him and saying goodbye forever. :) |
| Maybe i'm just jaded but this story is very boring. It is too short, and once you reach the point of blood stains on the locket, it follows from there on more or less as predicted. Probably because it is too short to build any detail about characters and places, i found this to be extremely lacking. |
| But, one thing about great artists and writers, they don't give up. Keep writing and getting your work out there. It cannot suck forever. |
for virtual_vitrea:
I was suggested same points by some other people as well. I'll try to improve :) |
I was suggested same points by some other people as well. I'll try to improve :)
that's a beautiful mindset, so i believe you will improve =)
I myself have no talent for writing, despite claiming myself to be an avid reader. |
Call me "Casual", but I liked it, Tbh.
Easy to read, and the writing is good.
Entertaining.
I think he just wanted to share a story he made up, and took some time to write.
In any way he said he'd write a Best-Seller, Lol. |
| I got one particular complain from many people that the end part of the story was very quick. The beginning was so clear and interesting but it ended very fast. |
Maybe i'm just jaded but this story is very boring. It is too short, and once you reach the point of blood stains on the locket, it follows from there on more or less as predicted. Probably because it is too short to build any detail about characters and places, i found this to be extremely lacking.
Spoiler , I'm not reading the story now XD |
Apart from ending, it was a good read.
End became quite predicted and way too fast, however the beginning of story was good, loved it. :) |
Wow sorry I didnt read it earlier , I really liked the story ^^
Pretty good , all you could have done to make it better was , you could have made the investigation bit more interesting ^^ , really good :D |
| Topic moved from "Off-game forum" to "Creative works". |
