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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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that reminds me..
three friends were discussing diets and slimming methods:
" i know a guy, he lost 10 pounds in one month, because of that new ducan diet"
"that's nothing, the my girl's sister went down from 210 to 160 in one week, thanks to liposuction!"
"beats me! i know a guy who was almost 280 pounds one day, and the day after he was down to 150!"
"come on, now, that's crap.. how can he lose that much weight in a day?"
" he cut off both legs" | | :D | A young guy sit on a bar near an older guy.
The young seems down so the older ask him what's the problem.
"I had a fight with my girlfriend", answer the young. "I do not know how to handle this couple thing."
The adult tell him: "I know the secret.
The secret is that you need to do all together.
She choose - you agree.
She want - you give.
She talk - you hear her out.
She is wrong - you apologize." | shorts from the net for the winter days
friend visiting at home: "sorry, do you have a bathroom?"
"no, we pee in the backyard".
"My boss told me to have a good day. So i went back home"
"as you grow older, you learn that pleasing everyone is sort of impossible, but pissing everyone off comes naturally".
"when you get angry, take a breath and count aloud to 10. Throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that"
"you can't always control who enters your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of". | Nurse came in and said DOC, there is a man in the waiting room who think he's invisible, what should i tell him?
The Doctor said, tell him that I can't see him today XD | 4000 years of medicine-
2000 BC: Here, eat this root
1000 AD: That root is heathen! Here, say this prayer.
1865 AD: That prayer is superstition! Here, drink this potion.
1935 AD: That Potion is snake oil! Here, Swallow this pill
1975 AD: That pill is ineffective! Here take this antibiotic
2000 AD: That antibiotic is poison! Here, eat this root | for Igles:
nice | Ok fine I'll come up with something :P
Don't test my limits, I'll send you to l'hospital. xD | for randomr1:
Hehee!
Reminds me of so much things! :D | | nice | Xmas tree jokes!
--
"Sexual harassement has become the scourge of our modern society, your honor", said the barrister, then turning to the old man in the box "now, Mr Santa, I ask you, DID YOU or DID YOU NOT look at my client in a crowded shopping mall, and, in front of her children, call her not ONCE, but THRICE a 'HO'?"
--
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
--
"I wish you, but in no way guarantee, a merry chrismas. Your lawyer"
" I wish you had a merry chrismas, but it will be hard with your age ongoing and health issues approaching. Your doctor"
"I wish you a merry chrismas, to win the lottery, and leave for a well deserved and indefinitely long world tour. Your neighbor". | january is almost over, and how are your new year résolutions doing?
"My NYR is to do in 2018 all the thing i wanted to do in 2017 that have been planned since 2016, as, in 2015, i realized that my 2014 NYR were a big fail."
"according to statistic, the most spoken of NYR is to lose weight. Learning: never try to find an empty gym the first 2 weeks of january."
CEO at a meeting: "since the second most common NYR is to save money, we'll launch our Sales not on jan 2nd, but 6th. By then, they'll be fed up already."
Employee: "My new year resolution is to get more sleep. I bought a recorder to keep pace during meetings".
"My new year resolution is to make no resolutions!" Fail.
"my NYR is to make new friends. Can anyone suggest a new social other than FB, twitter, weebo, Skype, snap, contact, telegraph..? they just don't seem to work." | Hmm... i think i saw this one before here but not sure so i'll repeat it-
I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
: The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
: When men say "I'm fine" they actually mean it. Weirdos.
: Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. *Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.*
: I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. | | This thread is amazing :D | | nothing like it used to be though. | I've heard that admins are going to add new creature - Kremlin wreckers
https://prnt.sc/jq744w
I am very curious what special ability they will have. | I've heard that admins are going to add new creature - Kremlin wreckers
https://prnt.sc/jq744w
I am very curious what special ability they will have.
LMFAO | | they will have the ability to grab them by the cat.. oops wrong guy :p | Sexual harassement has become the scourge of our modern society, your honor", said the barrister, then turning to the old man in the box "now, Mr Santa, I ask you, DID YOU or DID YOU NOT look at my client in a crowded shopping mall, and, in front of her children, call her not ONCE, but THRICE a 'HO'?
this made me seriously laugh :D | for Pastak:
lol |
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