| Author | who got jokes? |
|---|
| If swimming is good for your figure, please explain whales to me |
| In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? |
Jim and Bob are golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine and climbs down in search of it.
Jim spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to Bob in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, I got trouble down here."
Bob calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron. You can't get out of here with an 8-iron." |
What made the gargolye cross the road?
It didnt! It flew across!
How lame is a golem?
Its legs are made of stone! How can it walk?
How lame am i ?
As lame as ever :D |
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!" |
A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
"How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." |
| digi? |
2 blondes walk into a building.
You think one of them would've seen it coming. |
More gross than funny
A gameshow in china is the set, the objective is to get the highest "gross rating" possible out of 30:
The first contestant walks out onto the stage with one small barrel.
He then spits in it untill it's full.
He scores 25/30. A reasonable score.
The second man comes out with two small barrels.
He then snot rockets (shooting snot rapidly from the nostril) untill both barrels are full.
He scores 29/30. An amazing score
The third contestant walks on to the stage very confidently
He has with him a huge barrel.
The host asks him "what are you going to preform for us?"
As the barrel was to big for any normal man to fill with bodily fluid.
As the man empties the three other barrels into his barrel, he replies
"drink it"
Rest assured he scored 30/30. |
| 2 man found a gold fish.the gold fish sayd if you let me go i give you 2 billion or evrything you want to know.the 2 men sayd we want to know evrything.tommorow the 2 men friends asked so what to you know now,they sayd:i know we should have takend the 2 billion. |
2 man found a gold fish.the gold fish sayd if you let me go i give you 2 billion or evrything you want to know.the 2 men sayd we want to know evrything.tommorow the 2 men friends asked so what to you know now,they sayd:i know we should have takend the 2 billion.
lol i would have said i want to know everything, and then know all the numbers that will fall in roulette xD |
| A kid asked to go to the bathroom and he needed to pee so before he could go he had to say the abc's so he says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z and the teacher says where is the p and the kid says the pee is in my pants!!! lol |
for yeoj115:
xD |
They tried to bury their sins, but instead planted the seads of their doom!
A war is coming. I've seen it in my dreams. Fire sweaping over the earth. Bodies in the streets. Cities turned to dist. RETALIATION. |
| Isn't that just funny! |
How to make a octopus laugh?
Ans:Give him a ten-tickle(tentacles)
What do you get if you cross a parrot and a cat?
Ans:Carrot
Why did the moron throw the butter out of the window?
Answers:He wants to see a butterfly
A hunter have one booter in his gun.He wanted to shoot the gorilla but 1 botter couldn't kill it so she wanted to shoot the bird instead.The gorilla was digging his nose.The hunter shoot the bird and both the gorilla and bird die.Why?
Ans:Becos when the gorilla heard the booter (BANG) he was shocked and his fingers went straight 10cm up into the nose causing him to die |
for hip_hop:
his she
so is he a he or a she ????? =p |
A Pentium and an AMD is having a conversation:
Pentium:
1+1 ?
AMD answers rapidly:
3 !!
Pentium:
It's not correct.
AMD:
But it was fast, wasn't it? :D |
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
;p;p;p;p;p;p;p;p; |
it is illegal in China or whatever to fish lobsters with your hands.
a man was down by the shore hunting for lobsters he had them in his hands when a police man stepped up behind him.
policeman-thats a 150$ fine for hunting lobsters.
man-oh im not hunting these they are my pets and i am taking them for a swim.
policeman-and why should i trust?you prove it.
man-ok you throw my lobsters into the sea and when i blow my whistle the'll swim back.
policeman-ok there i threw them now make the lobsters come back.
man-what lobsters?i dont see any lobsters?
so the lesson is dont book it cause they have tazers and guns which just makes things worse.trick them into disposing evedince. |
