Forums-->Off-game forum-->
1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8
| Author | who got jokes? |
|---|
| jew?? | | The poorest? | One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied.
“I'm sorry,” said Bill, “what happened to her?”
“My dog bit her and she died.” Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.”
Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, “Can I borrow your dog?”
To which the man replied, “Get in line.” | Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
A: Jurassic pork | The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants." | | biggest joke to date, people who mourn micheal jackson | Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi! | 20 jokes
1 Dick Cheney
2 Al gore
3 your mother
4 the stimulus plan
5 Carlin katz
6 his afro
7 thad potter
8 George bush
9 this thread
10 avril lavigne
11 her cover of "chop suey"
12 the fact SOAD sued her because of it
13 Michael Phelps
14 Michael Jackson
15 sarah palin
16 dead baby in my backyard #464358545774 <- (actually not a joke, that mound is starting to smell)
17 find a player: BABYSLAYER
18 ANGLE-OF-DEATH
19 my friend robert
20 Carlin Katz | This will laugh u all off:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwnXdOPbRXg | sorry, that video sucks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDEPZJ5IXyY | Bumper stickers:
*Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
*Support Cannibalism — EAT ME!
*God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
*I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
*I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
*Keep honking while I reload.
*Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
*5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
*EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
*Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
*If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
*If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
*Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
*Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
*Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.
*Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
*Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
*If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
*Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! | say this to ur self in front of another person
i am wee todd did
i am sofa king
wee todd did
XD | After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
"You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back." | One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years." | | Lol | | No, I don't. | man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." | Why email is like a male appendage
*Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.
*Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.
*Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.
*Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call "E-Mail Envy."
*It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.
*In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.
*Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
*If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
*If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
*We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
*If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
*If you play with it too much, you could go blind. | A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.
An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.
The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?"
"Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies." | By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." |
1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8Back to topics list
|
