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| Author | Jokes !!! |
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| There is a man talking to God and says "Almighty God, what is an eternity for you ?", the God answers "It's as large as a second". Then the man says "Oh dear God, what is a million dollars for you ?", the God answers "It's as worth as one penny". Then the man asks "God, could you please give me one penny ?", to what God answers "Sure, just gimme a sec". | Lol
nice 1 | for Ur_End_Is_Here:
my end aint here
(i always wanted to say that :P 3:) ) | Lol
Yeah wont let ur end be here ;) :P | A man takes all his money, puts them in a bag and decides to go on a island and live there for the rest of his life peacefully. But his inner voice keeps telling him "Go to the casino". He goes to the casino. Then his inner voice tells him "Go to the roulette", and he goes to the roulette. Then his inner voice tells him "Put it all on 12". And he puts all his money on 12. The roulette is spinning and spinning and the ball falls on 33. Then his inner voice says: "Ah! Sorry.".
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A little girl goes to a pet shop and says: "Pleathe, do you have thome pretthy bunnies?". The shopkeeper's heart is melted of this girl's loveliness and asks the little girl: "Do you want a little pretty white bunny, or a fluffy black one? Or maybe that cuddly brown bunny over there?" And the little girl tells him, whispering "I think my python doethen't care about it's color".
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Formula to make the phone ring:
1. Go to take a shower
2. Put shampoo on your hair
3. Count to 3
Then your phone will ring.
Solution:
a) If you answer - the caller dialed the wrong number
b) If you don't answer - after a few days you will realize it was a very important call.
Formula to make it rain
-Tell some persons: "what a lovely weather, let's hope it will keep this way"
-Wash your car and polish it
-Water the flowers
-Wash your clothes and put them outside to let them dry
-Organize a trip outside
-Go to a walk without umbrella or jacket
Formula to make the bus come:
1. Arrive early in the bus station
2. Wait 20 minutes without sitting down
3. Sit down and open a book. After you read 3 words the bus will come
Note: sometimes even 3 buses arrive one after each other!
Formula to find free parking places at your home
1. Drive at least 3 times around your house searching for a place to park.
2. Keep driving 20 more minutes on streets around your house.
3. When you get angry, go to the nearest neighborhood, 30 minutes away from your home by walking and park there.
4. When you get home, you will find 2-3 free parking places in front of your house.
Life rules:
1. Law Dontbothercalling: When you need to unlock a door, with 10 big and heavy bags in your hands, the key will be in the opposite pocket of the hand you just freed.
2. Law Ihatelocks: The only time when the door closes itself is when you left the keys inside.
3. Law Wearedoomed: When you can keep calm when everybody around you is in despair.. it is because you didn't fully understand the seriousness of the problem.
4. Law Thisisnotlife: Problems don't appear, problems are not solved, they just transform.
5. Law Guesswhoitwas: When you run to answer the phone, you will arrive on time to hear the other person ending the call.
6. Law Theymakethisbypurpose: There are always too good movies on two TV channels.. at the same time.
7. Law Donteatwithyourmouthopen: The probability to get your clothes dirty while eating is directly proportional with the necessity to keep your clothes clean.
8. Law Baldiesdontcare: The wind speed is directly proportional with the price you just payed to the hairstylist.
9. Law Ohno: If, after many years, you decide to throw something you didn't use for a long time.. in less than three days you will have an urgent need of that thing.
War between Russia and Japan. Russia launches an atomic bomb. The Japanese press is in despair, 2000 deaths registered. The Japanese warn the Russians that if they don't stop the Japanese will launch the rubber bomb. The Russians launch another atomic bomb, 40000 deaths registered. The Japanese warns the Russians again that if they don't stop, they will launch the rubber bomb. When the Russians here, they launch 2 more atomic bombs. Total despair, 100000 deaths in Japan. Then the Japanese send a kamikaze and launch the rubber bomb. The Russian press is in despair, the rubber bomb caused 1000000 deaths and it's still bouncing! | Here's a greek joke:
What do you call Oedipus in english ?
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Mother [censored]er | | May the 4th be with you 3:) star wars day 3:) | | Hahaha nice jokes Hallion91 :) | ROFL nice jokes Para xD
Keep them coming more guys :D | for Tri-Force:
-_- you just hurt my emotions pal -_- :X | Behind every great man, there is a woman.
Behind every great woman, there is a man staring at her ass. | Lol
Hallion and his dirty jokes xD | lord Hallion 91 king of dirty jokes _/\_
i am ur first disciple oh reverend lord of hallucination XD | | :D | | There are two friends about to buy a lottery ticket. One of the guys turns to the other and says "So, dude, how many times do you have sex with your wife per week ?". The second guy answers "3". Then the first guy says "Alright, 3 yours and 4 mine, total 7, so let's pick the lottery ticket on number 7" and so they pick their ticket on number 7. The next day the lottery results are announced and the winning number was zero. The two friends meet again and then the first guy says to the other "Dude, did you see the lottery results ? If we were not trying to act as tough lovers, we'd be millionaires now" | O.O
Lol :D | I think I read this somewhere, but I don't remember if it was this forum, so sorry if it's a repost :
During a flight, the pilot makes an announcement and then forgots to mute the microphone again. The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says "Oh man, I'm gonna drink my coffee and then I'm going to have hard sex with the stewardess while the plane is on auto-pilot". The passengers heard the whole conversation and started laughing. The stewardess runs to the pilot to tell him to mute the microphone, when a passenger stops her saying "Where are you going lady ? Didn't you hear, he's going to drink his coffee first !" | | A blonde runs wild with her cabrio at 4 after midnight. A cop stops her, looks around if there is anyone close and then rapidly unbuttons his trousers in front of her. The blonde is desperate and complains "Aaaw, not again alcho test !!" | This is a real story :
A man is talking to a friend of his and explains how he was caught for alchotest : "Dude, I got caught for alcho test and you won't believe it, I was so drunk that I couldn't inflate a stupid plastic bag !!" | | Two robbers enter a bank. One of them is the boss and shouts "Nobody move, this is a robbery", then tells his accomplice "make them all face the wall with their hands where I can see them". The accomplice notices an old lady and asks his boss "The old woman too boss ?", to what his boss answers angrily "The old woman too blockhead !". When the accomplice finishes, the boss tells him again "Now, take everything valuable from them and drop it inside this bag", to what the accomplice answers "The old woman too boss ?" and the boss answers even more angry "The old woman too blockhead!". When he is done, the boss orders once again "Alright, now undress all the women and take away the men, I'm gonna rape them all". The accomplice is kinda troubled but finally asks "The old woman too boss ?", to what the old woman answers "The old woman too blockhead !" |
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