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| Author | Jokes !!! |
|---|
What is common between blonde girls and bermuda triangle?
They both have swallowed alot of "seamen". | ^
Now he needs a pack of first aid kit :D | The policemen entered the house and found a blonde woman crouching beside her bathtub full, the head under water, drowned.
Beside her was a bottle of cough syrup and a sticky spoon.
They were arguing about a possible crime, when a sergeant came out of her bedroom with a printed note visibly e-mailed to her.
It stated:
"my dear lady,
I understand that you have been ill all night, and your symptoms are those of a cold. the solution is a simple two steps one, gulp down a spoonful of cough syrup, and then, a HOT BATH!
kindly,
your doctor" | @881 AHAHA !!
@883 Poor blonde trying to swallow the whole bath :D | An elder goes to an insurance company:
-Hello! I want to make a life insurance for a trip abroad.
-What are you saying? How old are you?
-90...
The employee is shocked.
-Are you talking serious? Why do you want for your age an insurance?
-I want to go with my father in a vacation and it's good to be insured...
-With your father? How old is he?
-120
-And what are you doing in a vacation abroad?
-Well.. we're going to visit my grandfather..
-Are you making fun of me? How old is your grandfather?
-150...
-And what are you doing there?
-He's getting married and we're going to his wedding..
-And why is he getting married now, at this age?!?
-Oh, come on! You know how these things go.. His parents are forcing him... | | At the university cafeteria, a math professor buys two soups and two plates of french fries. He goes to the cash register. The employee says: "$11 and 53 cents". The professor says: "It's not right, do the calculations again, please". The employee calculates again and says: "Sorry, $11 and 47 cents". The professor says: "It's still not right". The employee, a young lady, is blushing, and says one more time: "$11 and 39 cents". The professor says: "That's still not right". The employee, in despair, says: "Then tell me, how much is it?". And the professor calmly says: "I don't have the smallest idea how much does it cost, but for two soups and two plates of french fries the price must be even." | #885 lol
#886 that is sooooooo true
conclusion Paraleul ROCKS
Player banned by moderator ElfPride until 2014-04-28 20:13:52 // FR#4.2.1//Long string violation | I just finished reading all the jokes.
Disappointed by the amount of non-funny jokes, but whatever, I guess it's because I hear too many jokes. | There was once a rabbit cooling on the base of a tree enjoying his coffee.
A bear passes by and says "Hey rabbit, what's up ?" and the rabbit says in a relaxing tone "Hey bear, just chilling here ... enjoying this beautiful morning ... I slept with the lion last night". Later the wolf passes by and asks the rabbit "Hey rabbit, how're you doing ?" and the rabbit answers in the same tone "Hey wolf, I'm relaxing under this great tree ... you know, enjoying this beautiful morning ... drinking my morning coffee ... I slept with the lion last night". News reach the lion and he is insanely angry about rabbit's lies, so he decides to find him and teach him a lesson. The lion finally finds the rabbit sitting relaxed there and greets him in a pretendently ignorant way "Hey rabbit, what's up ?" and the rabbit answers "Hey lion, I'm just taking my time to enjoy this beautiful morning ... drinking my coffee ... you know, relaxing under this great weather ... chatting about stupid things to kill some time ..." | A patient wakes up after surgery to the noise of someone enterring his room.
The patient sees the man and says "Doctor, before the surgery you didn't have beard" and the man answers "I'm not your doctor, I'm St Peter". | | There was a woodcutter working for a wood-cutting company, he was very novice but did his best. A wood-cutter veteran spots the young begginer cutting a tree and he calls at him "Hey you, new guy, you strike like thunder there !". The new guy feels complemented and asks "You mean I strike with huge force sir ?", to what the veteran answers "No, I mean you never strike on the same spot twice." | | There was a small swarm of bats hanging from a tree branch and next to them there was a bat standing on the tree side-up. One guy from the swarm notices the weird bad and calls the other bats saying "Hey guys look, Jim fainted". | | Jesus is standing on the cross and calls to his beloved ones "Mother, are you here ?", to what Mary answers "I'm here my son, how could I be not ?". He then asks "Father, are you here ?", to what Joseph answers "I'm here my son, how could I be not ?". Then Jesus is surprised and asks nervously "And who the hell is keeping the shop ?" | Jesus is standing on the cross and calls Peter from far away "PETEEEEEEEEEER". Peter is blocked by soldiers and they don't let him get any close to the hill. Jesus shouts again "PETEEEEEEEEER, COME HEREEEEE", Peter gathers all his strength and pushes forward ignoring all the soldiers in his way. Peter makes his way up to the hill getting his one hand cut by the soldiers. Jesus calls him again and Peter runs even faster, just to get his one leg cut by soldiers and fall on the ground. Then Peter finally reaches Jesus crawling in any way he could and says breathless "I'm here Master". Jesus full of excitement then states "LOOK PETER, I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HERE !!".
Note : Last two jokes mean no harm against Christianity nor do they hold any propaganda. These made-up scenarios are posted as jokes only. | | One mathematician walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer. Another one mathematician walks in and asks the barman for a half-filled glass of beer. Then a third mathematician walks in and asks for a half-half-filled glass of beer. Then a fourth mathematician walks in and asks for a half-half-half-filled glass of beer. The barman nervous prepares their orders, when he sees another 50 mathematicians approaching ready to order beer and he stops them saying "Guys, may I just pass you two full-glasses of beer and get done with this, please ?" | Here's an informatics classic :
What button will an informatist press in the elevator in order to get to the first floor ?
The answer is Button 0 | | A blonde walks into a shop and sees a beautiful old-classic warmth radiator, picks it up and goes to the shop-owner saying "I want to buy this radiator", to which the shop owner says "Sorry Ma'am, we don't server blondes". The blonde is angry and dyes her hair red, then goes in the same shop and makes the same order, but the shop-owner again says "Sorry Ma'am, we don't serve blondes". The blonde is determined now to make the best disguise, dyes her hair black, wears sunglasses, puts on a fake-beard on her, makes her voice more brute and heavy and goes to the shop. She approaches the shop-owner in a serious way and asks manly "I want this fine-ass classic radiator please", to which the shop-owner answers : "Ma'am, I told you that we don't serve blondes, but if you went through all this trouble, I can make a special deal for you", the blonde is happy that she finally made it and can't wait to listen to the deal's terms. The shop-owner continues, "If you promise me that you won't bother me at all for any problems you may face, I will gladly sell you this beautiful accordion". | | There is a naked, homeless girl on an apple-tree, trying to get apple to eat. Then an old man passes by and sees the girl, calls her and gives her 100 dollars saying "Take this and go buy some clothes child". The girl then goes to ther mom and tells her the story, so her mom decides to do the same. Indeed the next day the mom has climbed naked on the same tree and gathers some apples to eat, when the old man passes by, calls her and gives her 20 dollars saying "Take this and go shave yourself". | What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde ?
If you slap the mosquito hard, it will stop sucking.
Player banned by moderator ElfPride until 2014-05-01 10:18:19 // FR#4.2.1//Long string violation (including post 894 of the same thread) | | There was a snail knocking a bar's door, the barman reaches the door and sees the snail, then he picks it up and throws it as far as he can. 2 years later, the snail reaches the same bar again and knocks the door, the same barman opens the door and the snail complains "What's your problem dude ?". |
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